My Journey
(the not-so-quick, messy/beautiful version)

Like you, when I first discovered my ability to manage the shit out of life, it felt good. Powerful. In control, on top of things. It was like putting on my superhero cape. When I was wearing that cape, I got shit done. I held things down. I helped others. It made me valuable at work, on teams, and in friendships and relationships.

That cape gave me game.

But after grinding through life in a constant sprint, and managing everyone and everything, eventually, that cape gave way to burnout. The joy, creativity, and fulfillment I used to experience from accomplishing things and managing problems were gone. I went from feeling powerful and badass to resentful and frustrated.

My strategy of managing everything outside of me so I could feel safe and in control was starting to crack under pressure.

Life began to feel like a never-ending series of to-do's. I felt crushed by the pace at which things kept coming at me. I found myself constantly cranky with my kiddo, I felt overwhelmed at work, and it felt like my efforts were being taken for granted by the important people in my life. The scariest part? I had gotten so used to this day-to-day experience, that it wasn't even registering as problematic. It wasn’t until I realized that I was spending almost every weekend drinking heavily and had gained 50 lbs in one year (ONE. YEAR!) that it hit me. Where was I in the swirl of everything I was doing for everyone else? What did I want and need? Why did I feel so alone, and disconnected?

Somewhere along the line I had lost track of the “me” under the cape.

So, as it is with all recovery, I first had to admit I had a problem. Admit that this pace, this level of complexity, and lack of space in my days was choking the life out of me. Me taking on more and more wasn’t the answer. If I wanted a shot at creating a life of joy, contentment, and fulfillment, I'd have to take off the cape and figure out who I was without it.

I also had to surrender to something greater than me; to Life, to the Universe, to Spirit. I was going to have to trust in ways I never had to trust before. Hanging up the cape was not just a costume change, it was letting go of everything I had known about how life worked. How shit got done. How I could stay safe.  But honestly, I was so exhausted from my efforting that I was willing to get radical and try something new. That meant telling my always orchestrating, game planning, strategizing brain to take a time out and let life flow.

With my Inner Guidance (aka soul) leading the way, I awoke to a whole new paradigm. One with totally different guidelines and rules of engagement that I now live and coach by. This soul-centered paradigm has allowed me to relax, unfurl, and trust that I’m being taken care of. It’s allowed me to create, and continue to create a life that is true to me. This paradigm has taught me that learning, growing, and evolving are part of this life, and rather than fear or resist it, I surrender to the process, knowing that if one chapter is complete, then something even better is on its way.